


Off the Clock

by sunlitflowers



Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, One Shot, Post - Civil War, Post - Winter Soldier, Suicide mentions, Therapist AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-09-14 01:58:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9152515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunlitflowers/pseuds/sunlitflowers
Summary: Bucky Barnes is out of cryostasis and now able to live with the Avengers. However, given the black holes and stress of not knowing who he is meant to be now, Tony brings in the help of the resident therapist to the Avengers: You.





	

You stand by as the Avengers, your patients, bring in a man of dark hair and horrifyingly scared features. Steve Rogers begins to introduce the stranger, but you stop him. You know what the Civil War was about, but you want James Buchanan Barnes to say who he is to you himself. It's part of the healing mental process. The physical aspect you'll be taking part in as well. He's recently been unfrozen, cleaned of the HYDRA effects, but there's still things that need to be healed. Your case file read that he had what he done when not himself erased, so now there's black holes where nothing happened. He doesn't understand why that happened, or why he was one minute falling off a train with Steve and the next waking up to come see you.

When you get him alone in your office, Bucky tries to act the way he knows to be normal for himself. He flirts, turns the charm up to ten and doesn't directly answer any questions which are too nerve-wracking to think about. It takes months of twice a week talks before there's a breakthrough and then it's only because he wants to train with everyone else. Nearly a year later and all you know is every single one of his pick up lines which failed to impress you at all.

"James, you have to talk to someone." You press one desperately hot afternoon.

"What do you want me to say, doc? It doesn't matter that it was wiped from my mind. These things still happened! I can't take them back! Every time Stark looks at me it's all he sees." He's up pacing around your floor, tossing a stress ball around.

"I am an advocate for staring that with Mr. Stark, but I understand your need not to." You stand, turning off the timer. 

"Doc, I'm sorry. Really I am, but we don't have to cut the session short on account of me." He shrugs, tossing the ball onto your desk. You pick up his coat, gather your stuff and give him a smile. 

"We're going on a field trip."

Many hours later you arrive at the Smithsonian. Bucky remembers coming here and seeing his picture along with a feeling of terror, but that's about it. In his anxiety, he jokes about never picking this place for a first date. You gently remind him that you still are on the clock for this, as Stark provided the necessary transportation in a pinch. Still, just to give him some form of safety net, you play along. You hook your arm around his and press against his side. The world may know who he is, but he doesn't. As far as you're concerned, you don't either. It's not your job or place to feel anything about a person's past, especially a client. Bruce was a gentle soul that couldn't control his actions until he accepted his anger. Natasha's past made cause for insane panic attacks. Steve dealt with outliving the majority of his loved ones. Tony's guilted fear and alcoholism made his appointments random. Clint felt the intense pressure of needing to maintain balance in places he truly couldn't. Every single one of the New Avengers had their own problems dealing with entering a new clique, especially the young ones who fought in the Civil War. 

When the mumbling starts, you feel Bucky tense. You brush your thumb against his jacket sleeve in slow motions. Both to acknowledge you know something's wrong and so he won't feel alone. You lead him slowly to his display, where it has been changed only slightly. It paints him now as a victim of horrible terrorism. It explains how he entered cryostasis in order to wake up in a better world. That line makes him frown, but he's not as nervous anymore.

"Look at that mug." He grumbles, then looks to you. "Would you have said yes to him?"

"No." You shake your head. "It breaks my heart to think of the men or women who just had to wait for letters. Did you have a girl?"

"Several, but none worth writing home to."

"When we get back, I have an idea." You ponder out loud.

Given how clear you've made it that you hold no intentions of hooking up with him, Bucky is not affectionate around you as he may be anybody else. So on the way back when you're dozing and he takes your hand, you know it's for comfort. He lies down in your lap and you use the tender moment of his need for touch to pet his hair. He can be sweet and warm, but not to many people. Steve would know this and maybe Natasha, but not anybody else with you excluded. It's your job to know and moments like these when he's relaxed and most himself make it worth it. He drools on you half of the way home. A warmth you get from all your patients floods through you, but it's rare that you want it to stay there. You don't get involved with patients for a reason.

"What is that?" Steve asks when Bucky is seen writing away in a leather bound journal. 

"Doc gave it to me. Writing letters."

"Yeah? To who?" Steve smiles at the possibility of a new hobby. 

"I don't gotta send them unless I want." He explains further, knowing it to be something Natasha does at least for anger. "Helps."

"If you want to send me one, I won't say anything about it." Steve encourages, willing and ready to do whatever to help.

Bucky flips the paper over, scribbles on it, then presents it to Steve. 

"Language, Buck. Dammit." Steve shakes his head and sighs.

"Why does she live in the basement?" Bucky asks, still concentrating on the words in his head. "Stark won't get her a room?"

"Stark would give her whatever she needs. She's the best he's got." Steve assures.

Bucky shifts. "Was that ever a thing..?"

"What? No!" Steve says, sitting down on the breakfast bar. "It'd be best if you heard it from her, though. Given the circumstances." 

Steve points towards the elevator where you and Tony are coming out of it laughing and having a riot. You don't laugh around Bucky. In dreams, however...in dreams you are everything. As he sees you walking on air next to a man who is constant in having his shit together, Bucky collects a bitter taste in his mouth. It advances and burns when Tony passes you an envelope with a wink. It's no doubt your paycheck, but there's something about the interaction which upsets Bucky to no end. Steve, behind him, watches with elated amusement. That is until he remembers Peggy rejecting him. Back then it was just a milestone that this small kid from Brooklyn had finally gotten the girl. Bucky had never been upset about it. Now with the added insecurity and anxieties, you talking innocently with Tony who's everything Bucky isn't, Steve wonders. There's no doubt in his mind that you're good at the job that you do and you'd never take advantage of a client. It might just be that action, ignoring the emotions of a patient, which drive Bucky worse. If you've taught the Avengers anything, it's that emotions need to be acknowledged.

"Thank you again, Tony. This means everything to me."

"Anytime. Seriously, if you need anything else-"

"I won't!" You swear. "Last loan, I promise."

Bucky's ears perk up at that. You owed Stark money? Was he trapping you here? He got up and stormed over to you, leaving his writing wide open for any sneaky spy to peek and gossip about it. You place a hand on his shoulder, face full of concern and Natasha can see the look in your eyes Bucky's been writing about. You have a way of looking at somebody and making everything else disappear. 

"James, what is it?" 

You look around to see every staring and make the assumption he's having a bad moment. You smile gently and lead him out to the balcony. It's evening and the sun is angled perfectly across your skin. He doesn't have any money to get you out of this deal with Stark, but he wants you to feel safe. He wants to protect you. You allow him in wrapping his arms tight around you, returning the embrace if it'll make him feel better. His metallic arm presses you tighter as he inhales your perfume. He brushes a thumb against the back of your neck, soothing you out of worrying for him. It just makes this worse. You look up to explain this is not what you're here for and he kisses your mouth. 

"I can't do this with you." You let him down gently as you turn his head.

"Why?" He pushes you away. "Weren't you the one who said and taught us to do what makes us happiest?"

"Not like this. I value you so much as a person, but getting involved with a client doesn't save them." You cross your arms over your chest.

"That's not what I'm doing here." He holds your shoulders. "I have genuine feelings for you. Let me show you."

"Bucky-"

Your words are cut off by his hands smoothing across your waist to pull you closer. You whisper his name when he brushes your lips. You are shuddering, feeling everything you had once with another client, but this is stronger. You're not possessed by lust clouding judgment and you know you can keep this separated. You fall into the charm of how James Barnes used to be. This comes natural to him and you're filled to the brim of joy to be the girl in his arms. Your arms timidly go up to hug his neck and he smiles. He doesn't do it often and this is one you've received simply for letting him hold you. He takes your hand in his and enters into a slow sway. All he wants is this moment and you've run out of reasons to fall with him.

Bucky's insecurities make him jealous and possessive, but he says nothing to you about it. He doesn't have to. When you're on the clock, you talk to him about these fears of losing himself completely. You only read his journal entries during these hours as well. He talks about how he feels like Steve is only his friend through necessity and regret rather than want to and that his vague former relationship with Natasha has been completely tarnished. He doesn't feel anyone wants to connect with him anymore, regardless of his desire to change and be a better man. Still, they're mostly about you. He has been trying to pursue other relationships, even sexual ones for the night, but he can't bring himself to do it. Not when he'll have to tell you about it. Despite you swearing you don't feel the same, he holds out hope that you could. Your rejection is one thing but your encouragement of him to pursue another is downright painful. You're his anchor in reality.

"Hello, beautiful." He comes up behind you when you've alienated yourself from a party.

"Evening, James. How are you?"

"Wondering why my girlfriend never comes to these things until today?"

You raise a brow at the title. "Just remind me of too much."

"Talk to me." He kisses your shoulder. You remain still.

"One of my first patients was someone Stark was investigating to join the New Avengers. No powers or trained skill, but exceptionally bright. He started cutting class and Tony came to me because his friends didn't have a clue what was going on." You close your eyes and sigh, not moving when Bucky hugs your waist. "I should have told him."

"That you were sleeping with a client." Bucky gathers. "What happened to the guy."

"Jumped off the Brooklyn bridge. Left a note asking for Tony to take care of my job and nothing else. Next thing I knew, it was after Sokovia and Stark is knocking on my door."

You don't know you're full body sobbing until he turns you around into his chest. "It's okay, it's okay. That wasn't because of you."

"I can't lose you, too!"

"Hey, shh. Shh. I wouldn't do that to you. I'm staying right here. You are not alone." He kisses your hair and presses you into his chest. "I'm staying with you. And Rogers, but you."

You sputter a laugh and allow yourself to nuzzle his neck. "Thank you."

"I'm not him. Okay? This isn't going to be that. What do you say about feelings?"

"They should be expressed." You smile and kiss his shoulder. Bucky moves your chin until you can look at him.

"I love chasing you, but this is so much better. I like holding you."

"I like you taking care of me." You grant. It has been a very long time since you were worried over.

"I'm jealous of Stark. I want to be the one you laugh around and come to for money problems." He admits, less confident the time. 

"That loan was so I could have my space converted into an actual office without getting one from the bank. Tony is my boss and business partner, we have to get along." You explain, running your fingers through his hair. "I don't feel this way about anybody else."

"I need to schedule an appointment for tonight, doc. I'm having trouble expressing my wishes to a spectacular woman." He keeps his voice quiet as if any louder will invite the party outside.

"I typically don't make house calls." 

"Well then maybe you could just come over for sex."

You giggle half heartedly and let Bucky kiss your mouth, neck and wherever else he may want to. You believe in him that this time will be different.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing Bucky, please let me know how I did!


End file.
